The Lord’s work (from February 4, 2013)

Dear family,
I've been pondering a lot the last couple of days, because I really want to help someone be baptized this month, but each person I put my hopes on doesn't seem to follow through. But I'm realizing that my focus is tweaked the wrong way. It's not about "me getting a baptism because I'm going home" or "to reach standards". Why am I doing this work? It's not for recognition or to say "I baptized so many people!" It's the Lord's baptism. It's the Lord's work. I cannot seek something so precious because I want the credit or because it will make me feel more successful. We are but tools and instruments in HIS hands. It's not mine or ours or hers or his. It's the Lord's. They are God's children and He's the one who is preparing them. What I must do is not wait for something to happen or for some golden person to drop into our laps. It won't ever work, because we won't be ready. I must instead focus on making myself the instrument that God needs. I have to sharpen the skills God has given me and depend on the Spirit. I have to purify and smooth the lumps and worldly imperfections so I can be but a window to His love. It's up to the investigator to do the listening and the spirit does the converting. We but show them the way and they go up themselves. I guess that's why the last two baptisms I've seen I had very little to do with the teaching. The Lord wanted to show me something and now He's calling me to realize it and to purify myself so I can do the work He called me to do. Maybe I will see one more through those waters; maybe not. But I can be fully satisfied with my work when I put the Lord and His work above myself. I just have to do everything I can and pray with faith. He knows what He wants. He knows what they need. And if I can but internalize this principle humility, then it will be the best thing I could ever learn and my joy will be full.
Sometimes I question myself because I feel like every time I am put as the senior companion the baptisms stop. I question if I am the cause. But then I remember that it's not about me at all. I just have to lose myself and trust in the Lord, and His purposes will be fulfilled.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind the rant. It's just been on my mind lately.
Raul is still not coming to church. He still has a lot of interest and knows that these things are good for him. We think their may be something more keeping him from coming and are praying to find it out.
We found one new investigator Gustavo. He was found through ESL. He accepted everything pretty well, doesn't understand that God has just one church quite yet, but is willing to read and pray to find out. :)
We have a number of potentials coming this next week! The Lord's work continues.
I love you all so much!
Make it a great week.
Love,
Hna. Cottam